Bob

I am still here

2008-01-06T17:48:00.000-01:00

Christmas was nice. I've been at my parent's place since the 21st of Dec. We were all at home which was very nice. My brothers both live in Denmark now, so my parents were really happy to have us all here.
New years' was fun too, I spent the evening, until 23.00 ish with my family because my aunt was turning 30. Then I went to one of my friends' place to celebrate the turning of the year. It was great fun.
We've been playing a bunch of Mah Jong which is an extremely enjoyable game. We've also been oohhing and ahhing about a bunch of miniatures. My brothers started playing a new miniature game which involves tiny aircrafts. It's apparently great fun too.

Did you ever wonder why we sometimes let old friendships rest for so long? How come we don't keep our connections stronger? Is it because we truly don't need to?

2007-10-04T23:25:00.001-01:00

So I am turning 20 on monday.

It seems like such a big thing. I mean, I stop being a teenager, that is pretty huge! But... I know that if I was in the Faroes I would celebrate it by inviting my whole family for cake and stuff at my parents' place. And then I would throw a huge party for all my friends, there's be good drinks, good music possibly pizza.

This is where I start getting all silly. You see, in Iceland there isn't all that much I can do. My parents are coming, which is really great. So I guess I'll have some sort of gathering with them and some of Ace's family. I am really trying to make it look like I am happy about this, but it's pretty difficult. His family doesn't even like me. Then I will have a thing in the evening with the friends I've gathered here. They're mostly Ace's friends, so I am not sure if they think of me as a friend or just a friend's girlfriend, but I like them and think of them as my friends, so I'm sure it will be nice. I was going to invite a bunch of fun geek people from Nexus but one of the guys who works there is celebrating his birthday and he's been working htere for much longer than I have so they'll all be going there. So the outlook is:
Cake in the afternoon with my parents and Ace's family and then me, Ace and four other people in the evening. My parents are worried that we won't have enough time to bake.

Yeah, I am not feeling all that shiny right now. At least back at campus you could be sure that more than one person liked you...

I'm turning 20! yay...

So, Iceland

2006-09-16T13:32:00.000-01:00

I know I owe you a big, big update now, but instead it's gonna be small. Hopefully I'll get more regular from now on.

So, since last time:
I've moved to Iceland. That's probably the biggest change in my life. I'm settled nicely now, Ace and I are happy together like everyone was predicting all along. I've got a job in the bakery two floors down, and I also help out at Nexus from time to time. We got the last bit of furniture last night: a coffetable. Two of our friends, a married couple, gave us their old table which fitted as if made for our apartment. So now we've got a couch and two matching, comfy chairs, a coffetable, a cabinet, a dining table, six chairs for the dining table, two TV's, a bed, a closet and a kitchen and bathroom with everything we need.

I'm enjoying my time here immencely, feeling better and better about being here. My family will come and visit me at the beginning of october, so I'll most likely have a good birthday too.

I still sometimes feel a twinge of longing for the college. it's strange, because when I was there I couldn't wait to leave, but now I sometimes wish I could go back and things would be the same. In addition I miss my friends at home, and my family a bit as well. Never had this feeling before.
I'm in two RPG's already. It's great to be playing again, and once a week is just enough to keep me longing for the next session. They're both D&D, one being Ace's world, and the other being set in Eberron, DM'ed by a friend of ours.

Did I mention that I got my driver's licence? Yeah, I am now legitimately allowed to drive a car on public roads without a teacher sitting next to me. So fear the streets as of the day I got my licence! nah, I enjoy driving, but haven't been able to get any practice at all her in Iceland.

That's all for now, hopefully it won't be too long until my next update.

The mother of all updates

2006-07-08T09:56:00.000-01:00

That's right. Today is the day of updation. Prepare, for this is what I should have done all along:

Right after school: So I returned straight home, happy to see my family and friends again, but with a gigantic hole in my heart, for I knew that I would not return to the college in the same way again, and I knew that I wouldn't see all my friends again. Perhaps ever.
I was in a complete standstill with my thoughts. I knew I was going to Iceland in August and I knew my schooldays were finished. Yet I had a strange resilliant feeling that it was all a dream, and that I would be packing my bags in August not to go to Iceland, but to return to the college.
This faded slowly, but I didn't realise how unfinished I had felt until I got the grades. My final results. As I was reading them I felt it. The final cut. And I am separated from that place academically, and when the kids are done, emotionally as well.

Relaxing, recuperating and recovering: I spent these first weeks at home rebuilding old friendships, being congratulated by the world for having finished school, relaxing at home, listening to music, reading books for fun again, watching new movies... all those things I couldn't do at college. I also had my ceremonial night of obsene drunkenness which occurs the first weekend after any return of mine. My parents were being nice, understanding that I needed to recover a bit, letting me tend my own life for a bit, then asked me to help out. So I spent my days tinkering with tasks they set me, internet and relaxation. And then...

The Job: I decided it was time to get a job. I'd been looking for one all along, but I never really wanted one that much.. just did it because my parents wanted me to. But now, I got the idea of getting a job as a tourguide. Now, "Tourguide" might not be the dreamjob of many people, but it's pretty close for me... You get to speak all the languages you know, you get to brag about your country, you get to meet new interesting people and all this time... doing nice, enjoyable things... You get paid!
So I called the Centre of Information, where they told me to contact this old guy who might be looking for guides. I called him, but he didn't seem too thrilled. He said I needed experience, but I could drop by his office in the afternoon so we could have a proper interview. I went there, we spoke and since then I've been helping him and his son out at the office and on the docks. Preparing things for cruiseships full of tourists, filing things and such... It's quite interesting, and I really love my job right now. We take care of most of the big tourist cruiseships that come here, arranging busses, guides, tours and everything.

Now:
So now I'm here. I've got my results and feel that I have finally let that place go. I have a really nice job, which is interesting and challenging. I have managed to restore all the old friendships and even improve a couple more. Generally I am doing very good. Feeling like I'm on top of things. And at the same time... spending so much time away from my parents' house, I don't get to go on the net alot, and so I lose contact with all of you guys...

Trying to stay alive...

--Bunny

And the Bunny Survived...

2006-07-06T22:30:00.000-01:00

Yeah, I did... I actually did better in most subjects than anyone had expected... But Theatre was very dissappointing. I thought I had done better than this.. Anyways, I now have an IB diploma of 29 points.. Nothing big, but at least I didn't fail, huh?

Danish: 5 (expected, quite alright)
Spanish: 5 (Whoa! I had been optimistic when I was hoping for a 4!)
Philosophy: 5 (Hell yeah! FUCK YOU SUMMER!)
E-Systems: 5 (wtf? I thought I was getting a 3 for sure.. espescially with my fucked up labs...)
Maths: 5 (Screw you Kip. Screw you. That's all)
Theatre: 4 ( Sadness... loads of saddness... I'm totally giving up all dreams in this area.)

So when I said the teachers were being partial and unfair, maybe I had a point? When I said they were giving me lower grades than I deserved, maybe I was right?
Perhaps it wasn't all my fault after all, huh? I wish I could tell Summer, because I'm pretty sure this would piss her off... predicting me a 2... pffft!

Heniways.. I gotta get some sleep, I'll update you soon enough...

Home, sweet home?

2006-06-09T09:30:00.000-01:00

Okay, so I'm back in my native country, with my family, in the house where I grew up. I've been saying that I'm at home, but still it feels like I've left my home forever. I left this place emotionally when I was sixteen, and I can't fully return here again. Now I've left Flekke, and I know I can't go back there... Let's see how iceland turns out?

About Iceland: In most msn conversations, the first question is, "When are you going to Iceland?" I've been saying August, and now I shall be more precise. I haven't ordered my tickets yet, because there are wuite many little factors playing a role here... An old American friend of the family is moving to Iceland in August, So my parents might be going there to greet him as a surprise. If so, I'll be going with them, Shang Hai'ing them to carry some of my stuff. If not, I'm going to plan B, which consists of Ace picking me up, and helping me bring stuff to Iceland. If he can't do this, I will move to plan C, which is me travelling alone with what seems to amount to insane amounts of luggage. (I'm moving there for a year for F**k's sake!) So, my ordering of tickets depends on my parents first and then Ace, and then me. So, no tickets or departure date yet.

The second question is always: "Are you looking forward to it?"
Now what do you say to a question like that? Of course I'm looking forward to it, otherwise I probably wouldnn't be doing it, would I?
Actually I think it will be very nice. We've got loads of plans :P I've started making my first DnD character already and, I am secretly planning to thrust my dungeon tournament campaign at them after a while... I want to get used to their way of gaming first of course...

Now comes the inbetween. Until I move there, I need to be occupied with something, right? At the moment, I'm applying for two different jobs. Also I am going to start taking my driver's licence on monday, so I've got my hands full.
I showed my older brother my Serenity roleplaying book, and now he's going to DM a campaign. (of course I managed to get permission to play.)
What else is new? Not much. I'm going to Wacken in the beginning of August. Wacken is the biggest metal festival in the world, and I iz going there with my posse. The Faroe posse... Peh. Funny actually Ace's visit to the Faroes right after Wacken last year has triggered Faroese interest, so now about 50 people are going from here. All aquaintances of me and my friends and their friends :P

This'll be all for now poeples, I'm sure no one reads this anymore, but hey... At least I updated =)

Oh sue me!

2006-05-10T16:29:00.000-01:00

So I haven't posted for a looong time?Who cares? I'm posting now aren't I?

Anywho, I'm half-way through my exams, philosophy looming ever closer. And I am realizing even more painfully how close the departure is. It is the 10th today, which means that we'll be leaving in 14 days. Two weeks... It is so scary, I am getting butterflies in my stomach.
As some of my friends have heard earlier, I feel like it's a big door I'm about to step through. A door, which, once it has been shut, can never be opened again. This place is a bubble which will burst the moment I get on that bus.
People come back, I know that, and I will too, but it won't be the same. My corner will not exist anymore, half the people will be gone and everything will be profoundly different.
I am facing the terror of taking my corner apart. My ever practical father has adviced me to send all the things I won't be needing in the last couple of days home in a package, so I will have less to travel with. How creepy is that? To send things before I am done? I am not emotionally done with this place, and leaving creeps the shit out of me.
And then the ancient fear creeps back to me and sits next to me. Will they forget me? I don't know why it's important to me, but it really is. I am hoping that they will remember me. I was afraid when I left home, and most people forgot. I got over it. But for some reason, my friends here mean more to me than the people who forgot about me back home.
I feel scared, and the warm day feels cold and chilly all of a sudden.
That's all for now people.
Greetings from a scared little girl who's growing up.

Goofing around...

2006-03-29T21:05:00.000-01:00

I am simply chillin' these days... I somehow manage to push all the annoying things into the background and chill like crazy... I have a feeling that this state is going to end very soon. Soon the IB-monster is going to jump out of the bushes and start munching on my ass... By then I will worry. Now I will chill out.
I feel so appreciated lately. I really feel like I have found somewhere I belong, and it is terrifying that it ends in less than two months. For ages and ages I have wanted to get out of here. Leave, move on, but now that the end is approaching I wish it could last forever...
I have been spending my days playing urbandead, kingdom of loathing and reading webcomics. Then I usualy have a meeting or rehearsal of some sort, and then we chill around the pipe for a while. My days are a continuous flow, yet each is so different from the previous. I feel very lucky to have the friends I do, and I feel safer and safer around them. Nat is coming home with me in eleven days or so, Tonje is a gem, Lisa is a sweetheart, Vasco is my teddybear and Polina is wonderful. I just feel all filled up with safety for the first time in my life. Lucky me!
Ok... So why do I have a picture of Bivrøst on my blog? Because I love her! This is a source and cause of happiness in my life, and also something that all my friends can relate to.
She is also the first property that Ace and I own together, so it's kind of like our baby... a very smokable, relaxing kind off baby... quiet too =)

To move on... I've decided that I'm going to start working soon, but at the moment I'm just too apathetic. Tomorrow I have the first two blocks free, and then Danish, Spanish and E-systems. Can it be anymore relaxing?
After school I am planning to have afirebreathing session, so that's nice.
Oh! My IP is going forwards! We are getting better and better, and on friday the spinners are going to the Island for the first time! *squee* On the downside, I haven't picked my PPA play yet, and the RC needs revising. Also the Portfolio looks at me with evil hungry eyes... In general, my biggest cause for worry right now is Theatre. It's so timeconsuming, and I feel like my time is being stretched already. I guess all I need to do is get of my arse and do it!...Mañana amigo.. mañana...
I took pictures for my yearbook corner the other day, it's done, so I just need to go to Thomas and give it to him. This picture is also for that----------------->
In addition to these two (the waterpipe and the "candleholder") I have a couple of pictures of me, as I have looked at different times throughout my two years here, and some other nice stuff. I'll maybe post it here if poeple wanna see...

It hink this'll be almost all for this time folks. You have to admit that it is a relatively long post considering that I am the one writing it. Now I'm off to read "the Rhinoceros" one of the plays for the PPA (exam).

Been a while...

2006-03-10T15:36:00.000-01:00

So here's a short post for you guys... Sorry I haven't been around much lately.

I am surprized at the amount of people who tried out my quiz, and the scores are pretty good (I guess the questions are pretty easy)

I've been busy doing loads of nothing it seems... can't seem to get things done...
Gonna drink and game tonight.. .gonna do first aid, buy alcohol and drink and smoke waterpipe on saturday, prolly gonna drink (if there are leftovers) on sunday... then another week... we only have 25 schooldays left. it's beginning to dawn on me that I am not staying here forever. It feels good and terrifying at the same time. 25 schooldays equals three cycles and a day and aproximately 5 weeks... All together? we have 75 days left. Then done. Gone. Finished.... Forgotten?

And then there's summer... and then Iceland. Living a grown up life. Paying bills. Going to work. Studying the things I want to learn... Growing up?

I am scared and exited... I want to live, but I am afraid of growing up. I want to stay me, not become some sort of drone-clone of the society.

Anyways... gotta run! Dinner time!

2006-02-19T17:36:00.000-01:00

Hoookay so the previous post went nuts... I need to stop trusting those test result thingies...

Anyways... I went and flashed the 1st years this morning although I hadn't planned to. It was strange... everyone on the wall, waiting, and then the bus comes, and completely respectable people stand half-naked on a wall saying "have a nice ski-week" to their 1st years. And afterwards we had one of the loveliest breakfasts I can remember. Loads of people around a table, laughing our arses off... I guess you get in a certain sort of mood after fulfilling traditions.

Then me and Tonje went to check out neat netpages. We're planning to order some poi and other circus equipment, so we were looking for that. Then she went of to the stables and I did some laundry.
Archery! It was wonderful. Just the two of us, (me and Tonje) with loads of arrows each, firing at the butt. We've started calling it a kill when we hit yellow or red, a maime when it's blue or black, the next guy, when it's to the sides and the guy on the horse when it's way above. Today Tonje shot a giraffe, so I believe we were fighting africans. Or maybe zookeepers.

After archery we went to dinner, and it was so good! We had burgers and hot dogs. I wonder whether it has anything to do with half of campus being gone...

Anyways... now, at twenty to eight, I am tired like hell, so I'm gonna wathc a movie... tomorrow comes math and reading week...

A sci-fi test and me

2006-02-19T17:31:00.000-01:00

You scored as Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix). You can change the world around you. You have a strong will and a high technical aptitude. Is it possible you are the one? Now if only Agent Smith would quit beating up your friends.

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

100%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

94%

Serenity (Firefly)

94%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

75%

Moya (Farscape)

69%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

63%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

56%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

56%

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

50%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

44%

SG-1 (Stargate)

44%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

38%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

Oh, and the quotes are coming up soon... I promise!

Now... some relaxation before reading week. The campus is so empty!

html fun!

2006-02-09T20:14:00.000-01:00

I've been having loads of fun with the html of this page... Can you see?

Adding the extra sidebar proved to be more hastle than I imagined... In the end, it ended up way out to the left side, but I'm quite satisfied... I also added the quotes at the bottom, and a couple more link button thingies...I might go after the color scheme soon, but for now, I believe this is all...

I am in a mood for candles and relaxation... not for mathportfolios (that's right two of them in ten days) not for essays and not for labs...

I feel like just existing, but then I need to strain towards deadlines and exams... mocks coming up mighty soon, and then... then more stuff...

Anyone else feel that what they're doing just isn't what they should be doing?

The Gerby quiz!

2006-02-09T18:52:00.000-01:00

I made a quiz... 'Tis a quiz abut me. Take it if you're bored, hay?

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=060209145119-600233&

Okee... sorry about the short post, I'm still alive though...

The show and 1st aid

2006-01-25T21:03:00.000-01:00

This is so good... tomorrow we're going to Sognefjord to perform for the last time. We'll leave at 12.45 and come back at 01.00. We had our last run though EVER today, and it went great. We had so much fun, dressing up in random costumes for all the scenes, making up dances to go with all the songs and just joking around with everything. The teamspirit seems to have returned, and you could just tell how people are looking forward for this to be over.

Ah, and then the 1st aid course is coming up, I'm a group leader, and my group looks good. I've got some very cool people in it =)
I seem to be spending sooo much time on my services, but I just can't help it. I love them both.

Lilian is here visiting, and words can't describe how awesome it is. I like having her around, talking to her, joking... It's almost as good as when Ace was here (that was of course nicer in a different way ;) ) But ah... I wish to see many more poeple here for grad.
It is so hard to think, that in a few months' time, we'll be saying goodbye to this place. I've already volunteered to come back for the october PBL. If they won't take me as a PBL-leader, I'll at least come back to visit. I can't imagine leaving! This has become my home, and my home with my parent... I don't think I'll be able to, mentally, to move back there. I've gotten used to governing myself, and taking care of things myself... I can't go back to being part of that household. Not that I don't like it, it's very nice, but I have changed, and grown. I almost feel grown up... how wierd is that? I mean, I still love to play, to be young. But I can imagine living in my own place, having a job, doing...all the stuf that belongs to that kind of life...

I wish for the stars to come back down and play with me, the way they used to when I was a child.
I wish to have a kitten.
I wish to stand still, in the night, and look at the northern lights.
I wish to be free.
I wish...

Firefly

2006-01-24T14:17:00.000-01:00

If you haven't watched the show, you ought to. It's amazing!

If I were to say that it's a space/western/drama/comedy/action series, I would not do it justice.
It's about the crew on a small spaceship. They're sort of smugglers, taking on random jobs of theft and such when asked to. Each character is special and wonderful, and they work together to create this beautiful series... My brothers gave it to me and said: Watch it! So I watched it. I watched all 14 episodes + the special features in three days. I couldn't let go! The show was cancelled half way through though... sad story... But do not despair! There was made a movie. Serenity. It was made a few years after the series if I'm not mistaken, and ties up most of the loose ends we were left with after the series.
Seriously. If you like any of the genres mentioned earlier, I believe Firefly will appeal to you. The least you can do is to get the first episode and watch it... you won't regret it ;)

Apart from being addicted to a couple of tv-series, I'm doing quite well. I've been getting up for my classes since the term started, I've been handing in my assignments... I feel good. EE is almost done, WL's pretty much finished, writing going well.
I believe I might actually have some free time by the end of the month...

Love and peace people, and keep your heads up. After a lot of bad stuff, something good always happens at the end.

Night time and a long walk

2005-12-21T16:46:00.000-01:00

Last night was extremely nice. I finished working at 23.30, and went straight fromt here to my best friends place. We just chilled for ages. I got to read his manuscript for their music video, made some comments, and we discussed movies for a while.

There is one thing, my dear reader, which I have to comment on. It's the view that all nordics are rich and therefore must lead happy, succesful, carefree lives. NOT TRUE!
We were discussing some of our friends. I'm going to make four examples, straight from real life. No.1 has an awkward relationship with his parents, and to be honest, they don't take too good care of him or his four younger siblings. His dad drinks a lot, and his mom works all the time, so she's not at home a lot. No.2, brilliant guy, was bullied almost to insanity in school, and had NO friends AT ALL... it's actually true. He was very lonely, and still has trouble with his self-confidence, although he hides it very well. No.3 didn't meet his dad before he was 14. His mom disappears from time to time, and he once had to take a huge loan, to go pick her up in another country. His siblings live in different places, and he lives at his grandmother's place, his mom living there from time to time as well. No.4 ...let's say life gave him a beating, and he's having a hard time getting back on his feet. His dad lives somewhere far away, and his mom lives in another country, unable to take care of him. He has lived in different places as he grew up. With a foster-family for some time, then with his aunt, and currently with the father of two of his siblings. He is quite far into drugs, making most of us, his friends, worried about him. A couple of days ago, he was piss-drunk, and wanted to go visit some friend in another village. He stole a car, and crashed it at high speed into a fence. He wasn't hurt seriously, but he's in a lot of trouble, and owes a lot of money to the owner of the car etc.

Did I manage to shake your view of the nordic culture? Did I manage to shock you at all? These things exist wherever you go in the world, not just in places with economical troubles. If you ever think we're just spoiled brats again... I don't know what to do to you.

I'm just sick of all the crap. We always hear about the poor countries, about famine, about abuse in those countries... it never ends, and those things are serious too. No doubt. But we live in the Nordic college, and I doubt most people there even know, that in Norway, at least one out of ten women are beaten by their husband, or that the highest suicidal rates in the world, come from the nordic countries. Are these things not worth exploring and knowing more about? Shouldn't we know these things too?

Meh.. I am not in a bad mood or anything, just felt like lifting my heart a bit, and share some things that I worry about. But apart from those, more sinister parts of our conversation, we also talked a lot about memories, and nice things. We walked, in the rain, to the beach, and we talked about all the things we remember from that place. The first time we talked, the first time he walked me home, and he told me about once when he had a fight with his girlfriend, and he found her down there, sitting on a rock. It was comfortable and safe, walking with him, and I didn't get home until six in the morning.

I am in a good mood now, but I really want people to remember that life isn't easy. Not even in the Nordic countries...

Coughing and a new forum

2005-12-11T02:36:00.000-01:00

For some reason I am still awake at 4.30 in the morning... I am lying in my bed, creating a new forum. I made an attempt of this last year, as some of you will remember, but my timing was horrible, and I wasn't very experienced as an administrator. Now I think the time has come for my second try. It can be found at http://rcnuwc.proboards77.com/index.cgi , and is still being made. I would greatly appreciate (constructive) comments and ideas.
Also, any UWC-person out there is welcome to join... (hint, hint)

For the other half of my title, I have managed to develop an absolutely horrific cold. I am caughing at prolongued, odd moments, my throat feels like it pissed of the older brother of a flamethrower, and my lungs feel like they accidentaly on purpose ran away with my nose. The lungs noticed too late that they are stuck inside my chest, and are currently struggling against my ribcage to get out. I think they are using drills and dynamite at the moment.
The nose has shut down any functions it usualy partakes in, (Like breathing, sensing, etc.) and is ready to go, but is now still standing in it's usual place, waiting for the lungs to pick it up.
I am furthermore quite convinced that my head is a popular night-club. I can feel the bass, and I even get part of the hangover from time to time...

Apart from the oddities of my body, being home is great. I can finally relax a bit, and chill out with my family. I even go to work! I went to work for 6 and a half hours today =)
I know for sure that there is no teacher breathing down my back, and I feel safely "away" from their long-reaching angry eyes.

Oh yes... being home is good.

A horrible person

2005-12-05T11:34:00.000-01:00

I think I'm a bad person. I think so, because I keep missing the damn classes. Some of them are plain boring and pointless (Danish) But I should still be going to them... Others, I really love, and hate missing (Theatre, Philosophy), yet I still oversleep, or don't care when I wake up in the mornings. The last group, Spanish, Maths and E-systems I really need to go to, in order to catch up on work... but instead I miss more, and slip further and further away.

Daina left already, but I think she would continue dissaproving of "me" since I miss classes alot. I talked to Karina already, but I don't even know it myself anymore. I used to oversleep because of insomnia, but now it almost seems like a choice I keep making wrong everytime...

Why must I be so bad? I feel that other things have equal importance as the school. Friends, staying sane, theatre, writing, thinking. All these things that so many others give up without a whimper, I kling on to as if they were what keeps me alive.
Others are capable of studying from end of school 'till 23.00, and then they go to bed so they can be awake the next day. Should I try that? It would be so lonely. I am scared of the IB. Why does it attempt to eat us all the time?

I just see this place as a UWC as well. If we are here for two years, but know no one else than our study buddies, have we not wasted our time here? I have friends from several countries, and nice acquaintances from even more. If I change patterns, would I lose them? Should I dare the attempt?

Yeah guys, today I missed another entire day of classes. And I don't have time to go around and apologize to the teachers, since I have a theatre trip to Bergen this afternoon. Just brilliant.

Did/Does the IB-monster try to eat you too? Did/do you ever feel like you are drowning in the IB-inlake?

Am I really a bad person?

Loneliness

2005-11-14T16:01:00.000-01:00

THis is the loneliest day since I returned to this place. I feel like noone needs or wants me. I feel absolutely supourpluous. My advisor says he wants to talk to me, and I'm afraid he'll ruin everything. I can't function properly when I feel like they're on my back all the time. I don't function when I'm being watched! I feel caged, imprisoned, as if I'll never get away from them. Why now! I have found my goal. I don't want or need them to talk to me. The sleeping problem is fixed, and I have a reason to go back to classes. No one understands that I don't see a reason for some of them. That sometimes I feel that it's all so pointless... They won't believe me when I say I'm on top of things, because I have said that before. I didn't have my goal back then. I didn't have my reason. I don't want their help! Why wont they leave me alone!
I know it's my own fault, but I'm only hurting myself! I know it's my responsibility, but I'm not hurting anyone else!
Daina says she thinks I deserve it. She wants me to be yelled at, because of the classes I've missed. Why is it such a crime? I am the only one who pays... According to Mill, this is tyranny of the society. They have no right to impose on my wishes "for my own good". I have the right to do what I want with my life, as long as I am not hurting anyone.
I feel like a piece of shit. No one needs me, no one wants me, and I am all alone. Why am I so sad? I haven't felt so down since last year! Why is it returning? Is it the season? Then why so suddenly? I just want to roll over and die. I know I'm useless! I don't want to be told over and over again. It doesn't really help my morale.
I know what he's going to say. He'll tell me it's not good, and that things are getting serious. He'll tell me how many teachers are "worried" and "concerned" and then he'll say what I have to do. Go to all classes from now on and until Christmass or I'm dead. Write extra essays and stuff, and fix my problems, or I'm dead. And when I do as they say. when I go to all my classes, and hand in the extra essays, they'll say it was all I needed, and that their timing was good. They don't know that I would have done it anyways, because of my new goal. They'll never know that I cleared up myself. They'll always believe that I am bad, no matter what I do. I can't fix it. I've tried, and this was going to be the final showe. I wan't their respect, not their pity. Maybe it's no use.Maybe there's no point in trying. It won't change anything anyway.

This rant was something I needed. Sorry for burdening you with this.

Life returns to Flekke

2005-11-12T16:39:00.000-01:00

After a week of relaxation, minor studying, sleeping and fun, I wake up, realizing it's saturday, and I still have two more essays I need to write by monday!
People are returning, and I feel life rushing back to campus. Not so many were gone, but now that they return, it's as if the place is buzzing with life. All those that weere here awake from their slumber, and chatter along with those who were off campus. LIFE! Breath!
It circles around us, and I feel at the same time exhausted and energetic. I feel like I have so many people to see, yet I end up in front of the computer again.
I read 12 pages of Mill, and I need to read 82 more before I write my essay about him.
Then I need to write a critical response-majiggy, where I need to find a none philosophical thing, and write something philosophical about it. Sound like fun? It is, but I don't have the time!
I wish I could pause time. I wish I could press a button, or say a magic word, and the world freezes. Then I would finnish all my stuff, and have plenty of time to do the stuff I like. I would chose a few people to live in my frozen time-zone with me, and we would chill out, make food, study, roleplay, go gaming, and when we are all done, I can just press the button again, and life resumes. We go home three weeks later, and then it's christmass-holiday.

May I have a freeze time button please?

Online tests!

2005-11-06T02:13:00.000-01:00

Staying up late on a saturday night? Hell yeah! Doing something costructive... maybe not...
I spent a few hours doing online tests tonight, some more fun than others, and these are the results:

Desert Eagle
You preferred a weapon with 43% power over speed and 56% range over melee.

You use a Desert Eagle.

One
of the most powerful handguns in production, the Desert Eagle is a
heavy punch in a small package. Its reliability and speed are
remarkable for a gun with such high caliber. Your enemies won't stand a
chance as you fell them bullet by bullet.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 50% on power
You scored higher than 72% on range

Link: The What's Your Signature Weapon Test written by inurashii on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Bard
55% Combativeness, 66% Sneakiness, 70% Intellect, 13% Spirituality

Dashing and multi-talented: You are a Bard!

A decent warriors, reasonable spell-caster, and fairly good at tricking
people, the Bard is the jack of all trades. These charming fellows live
by their wits, though a sharp blade, a few spells, and some lockpicks
never hurt.

Smart, sneaky, and aggressive, you're probably good at most things
you try. You don�t have much need for spirituality or superstition and
are much more likely to live in the here and now... and if you can get
some fun and profit out of the here and now, even better.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 47% on Combativeness
You scored higher than 85% on Sneakiness
You scored higher than 70% on Intellect
You scored higher than 4% on Spirituality

Link: The RPG Class Test written by MFlowers on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

A Secure Love
You scored 0 Infatuation, 95 Love, and 7 Friendship!

You got a nearly perfect score in Love, which means that this
relationship is built as solid as a rock. You have the core pilars to
stand on - commitment, compromise, and communication - down pat. There
isn't anything that can beat you two, as long as you keep working at
it. You have likely been together for a while, or the time you have
been together has been very intense. Your infatuation score was kind of
low, so there may not be a whole lot of lightning and angels singing,
but you are mature enough to know those things aren't necessary for an
enduring relationship. Don't sweat the lack of magic - you don't need
it. It only lasts a short while anyway. What you have is very hard to
find - never let it go.

Thanks for taking my test and if you like it, don't forget to rate
it! If you are motivated to rate my test a 3 or lower PLEASE write me
and tell me why... This is a new test and I need to work out the kinks.
I can't do that without feedback!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 0% on Infatuation
You scored higher than 95% on Love
You scored higher than 33% on Friendship

Link: The Will Your Relationship Last Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

So...Tired...

2005-10-27T21:31:00.000-01:00

I stayed up all last night to write my philosophy essays, but didn't manage to finish any of them. I then had to stay up for Nat's birthday, and off course they had to hold a firedrill tonight. At midnight...yeah...

So I am practically collapsing at the moment, but apart from that I had a great day. I went to all my classes, went to Dale, and hung out with my friends. We had this sort of reunion thing, with the friends from last year, because we never see each others anymore. So we had some cake, icecream and stuff... Very cosy.

I need sleep now. Might update tomorrow. See you Bob.

Hmmm... I have a blog

2005-10-19T21:57:00.000-01:00

I suppose I need to get some thoughts down on the paper. Or at least on the micropixels on the screen.
I have lately had a feeling comming over me. Or actually it is not a feeling. It is a complete void of feelings. It is the most calming experience I have ever had. I can't find anything in my daily life that could induce this non-feeling, but it is the closest I have ever been to tranquility or bliss.
The first time was an evening, the sky was dimming, I had no homework, and I was bringing my laundry back to my room. I had a feeling like the time stood still. I was moving through it, and it wasn't "frozen" it was alive, but completely stopped. It was like it was just breething, waiting for something to happen.
I then thought it was a once in a lifetime experience, and felt a slight unhappiness because I thought I would never feel like that again.
A few days later it happened again. Walking back from Flekke with a friend, and the feeling returned. I knew we were walking for about half-an hour, but it felt like we were walking a path through eternity. Everything around us was so alive!
Time truly stopped for me on those occasions, and since then I have been getting the feeling from time to time, and it is absolute tranquility. All worries are left outside when this world is entered, and nothing can trouble me there. I am all alone, yet so much in contact with everything!

Most of the time though, I have an immence feeling of loneliness. It is like in the middle of this crowded, intimate place, there is more loneliness than in a cave if I was all alone.
I get scared, and feel like I don't have my own place to stand.
I feel like I am loosing control, yet I know, that the only one pushing me over the edge is me.