Hmmm... I have a blog

I suppose I need to get some thoughts down on the paper. Or at least on the micropixels on the screen.
I have lately had a feeling comming over me. Or actually it is not a feeling. It is a complete void of feelings. It is the most calming experience I have ever had. I can't find anything in my daily life that could induce this non-feeling, but it is the closest I have ever been to tranquility or bliss.
The first time was an evening, the sky was dimming, I had no homework, and I was bringing my laundry back to my room. I had a feeling like the time stood still. I was moving through it, and it wasn't "frozen" it was alive, but completely stopped. It was like it was just breething, waiting for something to happen.
I then thought it was a once in a lifetime experience, and felt a slight unhappiness because I thought I would never feel like that again.
A few days later it happened again. Walking back from Flekke with a friend, and the feeling returned. I knew we were walking for about half-an hour, but it felt like we were walking a path through eternity. Everything around us was so alive!
Time truly stopped for me on those occasions, and since then I have been getting the feeling from time to time, and it is absolute tranquility. All worries are left outside when this world is entered, and nothing can trouble me there. I am all alone, yet so much in contact with everything!

Most of the time though, I have an immence feeling of loneliness. It is like in the middle of this crowded, intimate place, there is more loneliness than in a cave if I was all alone.
I get scared, and feel like I don't have my own place to stand.
I feel like I am loosing control, yet I know, that the only one pushing me over the edge is me.