Oh sue me!
So I haven't posted for a looong time?Who cares? I'm posting now aren't I?
Anywho, I'm half-way through my exams, philosophy looming ever closer. And I am realizing even more painfully how close the departure is. It is the 10th today, which means that we'll be leaving in 14 days. Two weeks... It is so scary, I am getting butterflies in my stomach.
As some of my friends have heard earlier, I feel like it's a big door I'm about to step through. A door, which, once it has been shut, can never be opened again. This place is a bubble which will burst the moment I get on that bus.
People come back, I know that, and I will too, but it won't be the same. My corner will not exist anymore, half the people will be gone and everything will be profoundly different.
I am facing the terror of taking my corner apart. My ever practical father has adviced me to send all the things I won't be needing in the last couple of days home in a package, so I will have less to travel with. How creepy is that? To send things before I am done? I am not emotionally done with this place, and leaving creeps the shit out of me.
And then the ancient fear creeps back to me and sits next to me. Will they forget me? I don't know why it's important to me, but it really is. I am hoping that they will remember me. I was afraid when I left home, and most people forgot. I got over it. But for some reason, my friends here mean more to me than the people who forgot about me back home.
I feel scared, and the warm day feels cold and chilly all of a sudden.
That's all for now people.
Greetings from a scared little girl who's growing up.
Anywho, I'm half-way through my exams, philosophy looming ever closer. And I am realizing even more painfully how close the departure is. It is the 10th today, which means that we'll be leaving in 14 days. Two weeks... It is so scary, I am getting butterflies in my stomach.
As some of my friends have heard earlier, I feel like it's a big door I'm about to step through. A door, which, once it has been shut, can never be opened again. This place is a bubble which will burst the moment I get on that bus.
People come back, I know that, and I will too, but it won't be the same. My corner will not exist anymore, half the people will be gone and everything will be profoundly different.
I am facing the terror of taking my corner apart. My ever practical father has adviced me to send all the things I won't be needing in the last couple of days home in a package, so I will have less to travel with. How creepy is that? To send things before I am done? I am not emotionally done with this place, and leaving creeps the shit out of me.
And then the ancient fear creeps back to me and sits next to me. Will they forget me? I don't know why it's important to me, but it really is. I am hoping that they will remember me. I was afraid when I left home, and most people forgot. I got over it. But for some reason, my friends here mean more to me than the people who forgot about me back home.
I feel scared, and the warm day feels cold and chilly all of a sudden.
That's all for now people.
Greetings from a scared little girl who's growing up.
posted by Gerbrith at 4:29 PM
3 Comments:
Aye, I felt very similar when I was leaving.
Though it wasn't fear...it was more...confusion. You get a routine going at campus. Things you do, don't do, people you like, people you dislike, working out, eating this and not eating that.
But that system, that routine you've perfected over the last 2 years is taken away when you leave. I found myself being at home and not eating the entire day because there was no breakfast time, cookie break, lunch time...sure there was food but no cantina to arbitrate the time of eating.
Also stuff I'd do alot at campus, like watch anime or movies hours every week...just wasn't the same when you weren't 2-3 people crammed in a bunk, asphyxiating from lack of air.
What was the most confusing for me was not forgetting people, since I can still remember pretty much all my co-years that I hung out with, I talk to loads still over messenger programs, but how I just can't remember most of my first year and large chunks of my second year. It's all sortof become one big lump, like amateur pasta...
Now when I think back that's kindof sad.
But yeah...you don't need to be afraid. It's abit exhilirating leaving, some uncertainty pangs but it'll pass.
I bet the butterfly dreads leaving its cocoon...
Oooh...I should write that down...wait...I already have...ah never mind.
Get back online so I can give you a virtual snog.
Later,
Ace.
Yes it is hard, and i understand what you exactly mean...But overall i guess we all have to get out of the bubble, no matter how cruel it might sound..
I still find myslef saying Norway, instead of Richmond or instead of Turkey everytime i m telling sth about my life in a different country..
But, you will still get to keep the good friends of yours.maybe it willnot be easy, maybe you ll not see them everyday, but still, it will somehow work out..That s the way to it..
And i agree with Ace on our second years..I m just familiar with the ones i m studying together in Richmond..
So, those 14 days past and we are away from campus now... may be, forever... It feels very very weird. At least you realized 14 days before the departure how fu**ed up it was, i realized it 50 minutes before the departure. Anyways, we gotta get used to it... i think...
peace
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