Loneliness

THis is the loneliest day since I returned to this place. I feel like noone needs or wants me. I feel absolutely supourpluous. My advisor says he wants to talk to me, and I'm afraid he'll ruin everything. I can't function properly when I feel like they're on my back all the time. I don't function when I'm being watched! I feel caged, imprisoned, as if I'll never get away from them. Why now! I have found my goal. I don't want or need them to talk to me. The sleeping problem is fixed, and I have a reason to go back to classes. No one understands that I don't see a reason for some of them. That sometimes I feel that it's all so pointless... They won't believe me when I say I'm on top of things, because I have said that before. I didn't have my goal back then. I didn't have my reason. I don't want their help! Why wont they leave me alone!
I know it's my own fault, but I'm only hurting myself! I know it's my responsibility, but I'm not hurting anyone else!
Daina says she thinks I deserve it. She wants me to be yelled at, because of the classes I've missed. Why is it such a crime? I am the only one who pays... According to Mill, this is tyranny of the society. They have no right to impose on my wishes "for my own good". I have the right to do what I want with my life, as long as I am not hurting anyone.
I feel like a piece of shit. No one needs me, no one wants me, and I am all alone. Why am I so sad? I haven't felt so down since last year! Why is it returning? Is it the season? Then why so suddenly? I just want to roll over and die. I know I'm useless! I don't want to be told over and over again. It doesn't really help my morale.
I know what he's going to say. He'll tell me it's not good, and that things are getting serious. He'll tell me how many teachers are "worried" and "concerned" and then he'll say what I have to do. Go to all classes from now on and until Christmass or I'm dead. Write extra essays and stuff, and fix my problems, or I'm dead. And when I do as they say. when I go to all my classes, and hand in the extra essays, they'll say it was all I needed, and that their timing was good. They don't know that I would have done it anyways, because of my new goal. They'll never know that I cleared up myself. They'll always believe that I am bad, no matter what I do. I can't fix it. I've tried, and this was going to be the final showe. I wan't their respect, not their pity. Maybe it's no use.Maybe there's no point in trying. It won't change anything anyway.

This rant was something I needed. Sorry for burdening you with this.

Life returns to Flekke

After a week of relaxation, minor studying, sleeping and fun, I wake up, realizing it's saturday, and I still have two more essays I need to write by monday!
People are returning, and I feel life rushing back to campus. Not so many were gone, but now that they return, it's as if the place is buzzing with life. All those that weere here awake from their slumber, and chatter along with those who were off campus. LIFE! Breath!
It circles around us, and I feel at the same time exhausted and energetic. I feel like I have so many people to see, yet I end up in front of the computer again.
I read 12 pages of Mill, and I need to read 82 more before I write my essay about him.
Then I need to write a critical response-majiggy, where I need to find a none philosophical thing, and write something philosophical about it. Sound like fun? It is, but I don't have the time!
I wish I could pause time. I wish I could press a button, or say a magic word, and the world freezes. Then I would finnish all my stuff, and have plenty of time to do the stuff I like. I would chose a few people to live in my frozen time-zone with me, and we would chill out, make food, study, roleplay, go gaming, and when we are all done, I can just press the button again, and life resumes. We go home three weeks later, and then it's christmass-holiday.

May I have a freeze time button please?

Online tests!

Staying up late on a saturday night? Hell yeah! Doing something costructive... maybe not...
I spent a few hours doing online tests tonight, some more fun than others, and these are the results:

Desert Eagle You preferred a weapon with 43% power over speed and 56% range over melee.

You use a Desert Eagle. One of the most powerful handguns in production, the Desert Eagle is a heavy punch in a small package. Its reliability and speed are remarkable for a gun with such high caliber. Your enemies won't stand a chance as you fell them bullet by bullet.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 50% on power You scored higher than 72% on range

Link: The What's Your Signature Weapon Test written by inurashii on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Bard 55% Combativeness, 66% Sneakiness, 70% Intellect, 13% Spirituality

Dashing and multi-talented: You are a Bard! A decent warriors, reasonable spell-caster, and fairly good at tricking people, the Bard is the jack of all trades. These charming fellows live by their wits, though a sharp blade, a few spells, and some lockpicks never hurt. Smart, sneaky, and aggressive, you're probably good at most things you try. You don�t have much need for spirituality or superstition and are much more likely to live in the here and now... and if you can get some fun and profit out of the here and now, even better.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 47% on Combativeness You scored higher than 85% on Sneakiness You scored higher than 70% on Intellect You scored higher than 4% on Spirituality

Link: The RPG Class Test written by MFlowers on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

A Secure Love You scored 0 Infatuation, 95 Love, and 7 Friendship!

You got a nearly perfect score in Love, which means that this relationship is built as solid as a rock. You have the core pilars to stand on - commitment, compromise, and communication - down pat. There isn't anything that can beat you two, as long as you keep working at it. You have likely been together for a while, or the time you have been together has been very intense. Your infatuation score was kind of low, so there may not be a whole lot of lightning and angels singing, but you are mature enough to know those things aren't necessary for an enduring relationship. Don't sweat the lack of magic - you don't need it. It only lasts a short while anyway. What you have is very hard to find - never let it go. Thanks for taking my test and if you like it, don't forget to rate it! If you are motivated to rate my test a 3 or lower PLEASE write me and tell me why... This is a new test and I need to work out the kinks. I can't do that without feedback!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Infatuation You scored higher than 95% on Love You scored higher than 33% on Friendship

Link: The Will Your Relationship Last Test written by unpretentious2 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test